mere smile, laughters and mild gestures

life haven't been more boring than presentation time. if i put on one more kg, my face gonna be as distorted as shown above. my facebook is under maintenance, only mine. my friends can log in without any trouble, i don't see why i can't. unless someone hacking my account? who on earth bothers to hack me, jealous of my more than dull, less than happening life? 

the ribbon bow, isn't it sweet? somehow in the fashion trend now, hoping to wear, bring out the best but sad to say this is not a headband. aww~

it has been only a while since i brought this beloved jacket. i searched high and low for months until the heat went down. wearing this makes me old fashioned and outdated for now. yucks!~ 

  

(: our opening line is always the same. " ni hao ma, hen jiu mei you ken ni jiang hua le" LOL! 

speech of a perplexed girl

yes, being lazy is good sometimes because i rather get lure bed than be tempted by people to go out splurge. quite contented with the impulsive canceling of tutoring today, i had a splendid time slumbering in this breezy cooling rainy day.

been depriving from sleep too much, i felt energetic inside out and my face is glowing naturally after two hours of nap. before that, everytime when i faced the elevator's mirror, i only have one word for myself, " shag " even though i think had enough rest the day before.

my face just doesn't shine with confidence like how i used to be. steph agrees too. there is a sudden drastic change about me after the break up. i become very self-conscious, complacent and lack of self-esteem, losing what i used to possess that makes me different.

i cannot deny the fact i am greatly affected despite looking okay after bottling up the emotions within myself. i always remind myself to stay strong no matter what blows i received. what hits me harder than having my father whacking me up in the middle of night?

since i was real young, my family haven't been doing well in any factors. my parents got into fights or quarrels upon the most trival things, like switching telly programmes during commercial time. their dogged determination could lasted for months, consistently on cold wars and eyes battle which leads to the situation today.

i've learnt alot growing up from this traumatic background. the strong will of surviving in the utmost harsh situation, never look down, condition yourself that you're the justice. because once you retreat and raise your flag, people would remember your weak points and use it against you by giving you another round of torture.

dignity is next characters any person must own. following your principles does differentiate you from the crowd. heard of poor people have strong backbone is impressive? it saying you don't accept offers easily though you need it. why? knowing we're not a handicapped, capable to make our self a living why do we have to dependent of others?

if you're not a weakling, stand up and do yourself justice. being so rely on public sympathies only tarnish your own reputation. how people look at you when you fret out over minor issues, always reaching for helping hands when you can pull yourself together to do something about it? to me, wimp are good for nothing, their incapability to solve trivial matters already label themselves a cross mark everywhere they goes.

the feelings of being contempt, despise and insulted has tagged along with me for years. until recently, when i stepped out of my comfort zone to work. my relatives starting to see me as me,someone worthy, not judge me along the line with my jerk father and my wimpy mummy.

i am both thankful and resentful about my upbringing because without those tough times I'll still be the inferior huijie categorise as hopeless grownup in my family tree. i have carried the label too long, getting more than enough criticisms and numerous earful thrashing for being unfilial to mummy. now get out of my window, away from me, let the wind blow away the curse.

i am the triumph.

can you hear me crying?

oh well, i shall officially declared bankrupt though i got my pay like three days ago. seriously, i need to take some courses about money management, to be more thrifty and penny pinching. i know the concept of saving money for future sake however my extravagant lifestyle can't spare me. spend money like water is what people used to describe me. that's mean but very exact description. because neither do i know which part of money is fully utilise than on food, cabbing and clubbing.

thinking of saving money, i salute my mum for possessing the ability of being economical. she never stops nagging about how poor she is, how expensive is our bills and couldn't afford to have a slightly better breakfast with only two sunny top eggs and sausages. her persistence drives me insane and getting me on my nerve but still i wish i were her.

digressing, i accepted the pleading tutoring grudgingly from kumon earlier, without much time i began to regret upon realising the piles of work i need to revise for school. i'm doom! anyway, i got startled by the number of "last minutes CMIs " today. no wonder i was summoned urgently where a " please" showing up in the message. shockingly pathetic four tutors slogging off the first three hours before i show up. normally, the centre works with nine tutors so that workloads are evenly split. this time, five tutors handles the work of 9 people seriously deserve a rise in pay. almost impossible i must say. don't expect too much from bosses who pay ppl 5bucks/h. okay, i have return my favour to them after going missing from work for last week, it's time to say goodbye to Kumon. i know i'm going to miss those adorable kids badly, real badly.

i am gonna figure out ways to be thrifty after buying my concession tmr. merlyn, let's go home for meals everyday. haha.

*hope i get to poo tmr* glee

a fresh start

new blog, new start(: i couldn't bring myself to write anything in my "christina-blog" anymore. there's too much drama entries over there and it has become gossips for stalkers.
the inspiration dies off when my head keeps reminding me that kynan will be reading it. he will analyzing me and see how's my life going, doing a comparison then reveal a smirk sarcastically. i've been acting strong in front of him because only losers need those sympathy . our stubbornness drives us to outwin each other at all times even coming to the little details like who is feeling blue at home today? competing to forget each other presence by making ourselves unavailable in msn but behind the screen we're actually shaking our legs and busy checking out each other facebook. his existence is bane to me, almost anything reminds me of him. much of his memories is deeply etched in me or even when i stoned, he's the image that surfaced up. whatever blissful reels of love he left behind is not enough to make up what he did to me currently. yes, he meant so much to me, words like " okay " got me thinking so much. sometimes i wish i hadn't know him as his existence haven't do much help in my life until now. the only vivid active activity we did so much together is no doubt the pumping action. thinking of it, i was really dumb to be compromising about his wants, pretending that it's alright. that's all about love, christina paid a price of loving this man. however, after suffering from those missing and controlling from months and got duped in the end. she brought this to herself, who to blame?

i was saying about the loser and winner in action now. i bet the melbourne guy is living off better than anything. scoring 90% for every papers had prove this capability, owing a car provides endless ease and advantages for him, more smart babes in campus to hunt for with the " single" status, what's more when he have the apartment to himself. huh, you and i know what we thinking about, where restraints are lack, freedom is overwhelming can get this horny bastard to heaven every night. fuck, it hurts.

as for myself, i am struggling with much workloads added on me, beside school, there's freelance to balance with. wait, i am not done yet. my tutoring job hardly bring any excitment except the pay day. i'm getting vexed, facing the same problem every time, homework not done, no effort put in, sleepy faces and doze off while writing, lack of respect too. i am fine joking with them but at the appropriate level. they get so carried away and starting to take my lenience for granted. i dread to end off when the sky are navy blue, only able get my arse up after 8. my attitude becoming unacceptable because i start to countdown the time to home the second one foot steps into the house. it doesn't matter to me if the kids took how long to get into room before starting, i'm not responsible for their idling and wandering mind. still i put in my best effort to teach everytime.
at the other unrevealed side of me, i have plans after the new me. it's not a secret misson about my dieting plan. another Titanic can be build while i am still undergoing my everlasting diet for 7 years or longer. this time round is different, everyone senses it.
the single status have been bringing me nothing for more irritaters to bug me and bomb me with sms everyday. arghz, guys just don't get it when ignorance acted on them. if i were the old christina, they might have some values and were useful to me. definitely not now. because time is ticking away faster than i can comprehend. flirting, seduction and getting treated like princess is childish, in fact a waste of time. now the lady here doesn't have time to get pampered.

maybe christina be a little smarter everytime when she rises up from sun.