speech of a perplexed girl

yes, being lazy is good sometimes because i rather get lure bed than be tempted by people to go out splurge. quite contented with the impulsive canceling of tutoring today, i had a splendid time slumbering in this breezy cooling rainy day.

been depriving from sleep too much, i felt energetic inside out and my face is glowing naturally after two hours of nap. before that, everytime when i faced the elevator's mirror, i only have one word for myself, " shag " even though i think had enough rest the day before.

my face just doesn't shine with confidence like how i used to be. steph agrees too. there is a sudden drastic change about me after the break up. i become very self-conscious, complacent and lack of self-esteem, losing what i used to possess that makes me different.

i cannot deny the fact i am greatly affected despite looking okay after bottling up the emotions within myself. i always remind myself to stay strong no matter what blows i received. what hits me harder than having my father whacking me up in the middle of night?

since i was real young, my family haven't been doing well in any factors. my parents got into fights or quarrels upon the most trival things, like switching telly programmes during commercial time. their dogged determination could lasted for months, consistently on cold wars and eyes battle which leads to the situation today.

i've learnt alot growing up from this traumatic background. the strong will of surviving in the utmost harsh situation, never look down, condition yourself that you're the justice. because once you retreat and raise your flag, people would remember your weak points and use it against you by giving you another round of torture.

dignity is next characters any person must own. following your principles does differentiate you from the crowd. heard of poor people have strong backbone is impressive? it saying you don't accept offers easily though you need it. why? knowing we're not a handicapped, capable to make our self a living why do we have to dependent of others?

if you're not a weakling, stand up and do yourself justice. being so rely on public sympathies only tarnish your own reputation. how people look at you when you fret out over minor issues, always reaching for helping hands when you can pull yourself together to do something about it? to me, wimp are good for nothing, their incapability to solve trivial matters already label themselves a cross mark everywhere they goes.

the feelings of being contempt, despise and insulted has tagged along with me for years. until recently, when i stepped out of my comfort zone to work. my relatives starting to see me as me,someone worthy, not judge me along the line with my jerk father and my wimpy mummy.

i am both thankful and resentful about my upbringing because without those tough times I'll still be the inferior huijie categorise as hopeless grownup in my family tree. i have carried the label too long, getting more than enough criticisms and numerous earful thrashing for being unfilial to mummy. now get out of my window, away from me, let the wind blow away the curse.

i am the triumph.