a fresh start

new blog, new start(: i couldn't bring myself to write anything in my "christina-blog" anymore. there's too much drama entries over there and it has become gossips for stalkers.
the inspiration dies off when my head keeps reminding me that kynan will be reading it. he will analyzing me and see how's my life going, doing a comparison then reveal a smirk sarcastically. i've been acting strong in front of him because only losers need those sympathy . our stubbornness drives us to outwin each other at all times even coming to the little details like who is feeling blue at home today? competing to forget each other presence by making ourselves unavailable in msn but behind the screen we're actually shaking our legs and busy checking out each other facebook. his existence is bane to me, almost anything reminds me of him. much of his memories is deeply etched in me or even when i stoned, he's the image that surfaced up. whatever blissful reels of love he left behind is not enough to make up what he did to me currently. yes, he meant so much to me, words like " okay " got me thinking so much. sometimes i wish i hadn't know him as his existence haven't do much help in my life until now. the only vivid active activity we did so much together is no doubt the pumping action. thinking of it, i was really dumb to be compromising about his wants, pretending that it's alright. that's all about love, christina paid a price of loving this man. however, after suffering from those missing and controlling from months and got duped in the end. she brought this to herself, who to blame?

i was saying about the loser and winner in action now. i bet the melbourne guy is living off better than anything. scoring 90% for every papers had prove this capability, owing a car provides endless ease and advantages for him, more smart babes in campus to hunt for with the " single" status, what's more when he have the apartment to himself. huh, you and i know what we thinking about, where restraints are lack, freedom is overwhelming can get this horny bastard to heaven every night. fuck, it hurts.

as for myself, i am struggling with much workloads added on me, beside school, there's freelance to balance with. wait, i am not done yet. my tutoring job hardly bring any excitment except the pay day. i'm getting vexed, facing the same problem every time, homework not done, no effort put in, sleepy faces and doze off while writing, lack of respect too. i am fine joking with them but at the appropriate level. they get so carried away and starting to take my lenience for granted. i dread to end off when the sky are navy blue, only able get my arse up after 8. my attitude becoming unacceptable because i start to countdown the time to home the second one foot steps into the house. it doesn't matter to me if the kids took how long to get into room before starting, i'm not responsible for their idling and wandering mind. still i put in my best effort to teach everytime.
at the other unrevealed side of me, i have plans after the new me. it's not a secret misson about my dieting plan. another Titanic can be build while i am still undergoing my everlasting diet for 7 years or longer. this time round is different, everyone senses it.
the single status have been bringing me nothing for more irritaters to bug me and bomb me with sms everyday. arghz, guys just don't get it when ignorance acted on them. if i were the old christina, they might have some values and were useful to me. definitely not now. because time is ticking away faster than i can comprehend. flirting, seduction and getting treated like princess is childish, in fact a waste of time. now the lady here doesn't have time to get pampered.

maybe christina be a little smarter everytime when she rises up from sun.