RELINK BACK TO OLD BLOG PLEASE

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love and hate money

i do cherish friendship and family a lot more than anything, all the more i hope nothing worldly would come between us which will cruelty tear us apart.
unease and discomfort brushes on me whenever people bring up the "money" word to my face. by hearing any related words to money, i became to feel uber insecured and naked. i know whenever i am broke, my friends are real willing to foot the bills for me but occasionally there are some expectional cases.
my mum dotes me however chided me mercilessly when i spend merely 20 bucks for entertainment purpose.
relationships fall apart because money has no mercy on anything nor recognise faces. having to turn our backs against each other because of money is the last thing i ever want it to happen.
no, never happen is the best thing.

home madness

i realised staying home has always induce loads of negative impacts on me. i couldn't help to think that my life is plain boring, low society lifestyle and i am just another useless human living on this earth. 

seriously, i thought i've a rather positive person compared to my friends. i remembered one year ago there a buddy who told me this, " life is like a bed of broken glasses, you bleed every steps you take". that time the optimistic me still snorted at his thoughts and claim that life is beautiful if you truely savour every moment of it. 

what the fuck,this is it like a smack right in my face now. i totally hate life right now for the fact i am suffering every moments of it, no every seconds of it. 

what am i destined for? 

yucks, i saw the bastard come online. sorry for digressing again. 

what i know my future is bleak. i cannot manage on what is happening now, then how do i even control the next decades of my life? everything feels so wrong when i am despairing. 

another bastard came back with blasting music from his newly bought handphone. what is wrong with him? does he have to be such an loudhailer when he stepped in? he no need to create more reasons for us to detest him. 

okay, everything is a dust in my eyes now. i need to pour out all before it accumulate up so much that i couldn't express it out. 

i need a listening ear yet the ear is waving with to the rnb music. 

*vibrate* steph is at double o having the time of her weekly nightlife which i am banned from it forever and ever.

i wonder, besides clubbing at night on friday what else can i do to kill those few hours? can you comprehend my feeling when one just have to throw their work aside without a valid reason? i am just so absurd right now, a instant NO to those suckers of my beauty sleep every night.

*roar* who is available at this timing? scanning through my phone list however i am hesitating to call anyone potential ones. call me sane, i am like everyone else who loves to be called, not the initiator. 

this not do, that can't work, i am as frustrated as i am typing. 

* took a glance at my fast asleep mummy* cursing in silence... all was her fault. one party has to sacrifice, always been that case no matter in what situation. 

OMG, the bastard's phone is playing taylor swift's song, LOVE STORY!!! 

wah lau, since when he " jat kan dang"?! *puke* oh my goodness, there's more like "maria" song in the hot korea movie..... dots. whatever man. 

can i be random?

spare me for my sudden melancholy strike, might be inappropriate because i was in a rather good mood an hour ago, celebrating huifen's birthday.  

allow me to express here. 

perhaps thing have been changing tremendously this few months, still i may be appearing sane and back to normal routine however my internally injuries still in their healing process. forgetting someone isn't easy, let alone hating a person i once loved the most. though i did whatever i need to get rid of him from my life but memories still flashes, his stuffs still lay

around my bed. his images seem be everywhere in my sight with just a turn of head. i go berserk at times, wanting to find out how he is doing but end up breaking in tears because i feel like a fool who does all this when someone has already turn his back away from me. 

putting up a strong front only to feel worst inside. let me be myself for one night, this hour. 

there is so much things i want to do yet i don't know where to start from and start right. 

it is frustrating when internet running slow, hinders everything. 

"you just can't see it when it is so close to you" 

little did i knows he .... so scheming

 1) intentionally customise the photo album only for my clique of friends and i to view only
 2) deliberately  set his profile where all his wall posts can't be viewed by christina, obviously hiding from me 
 3) deleted all this tagged photos
 4) purposely post up an entry to let me see how he is having the time of his life. further agitate me with this

" i cant believe it also, i fell out of love in april and looking back i felt so dumb. i went crazy over one girl and completely blew my mind off my studies in the early month of march.

then again, now im crazy over another one. i sort of feel it budding between us, and she's making a conscious effort, but i think there's one important missing ingredient that is lacking. as to now i still need to work on comfort... em's the goal =) " 

hello? what are you hiding from me? after going such the extra mile, so much deliberations, you are just a chicken who dare not face and owe up your unpardonable act.  the FB posts that are being posted up on your wall are selectively hidden from me, what's more are you hiding behind? you're just ridiculously imaginative. stop the deception, thinking that i am hopelessly into you and you have to feign ignorance and avoid me intentionally because you want to put this to an end 

well, i know you are reading this, someone( i know who)  must had sell me out that's why you're making yourself incredibly avoidable. 

kynan lee, you have nth to do with me from the moment the truth reveals. just fuck off from my life and stop being pretentious. i don't need you to screw my life further. i am utterly regretful about my past with you, totally ruined.    

changes?

i don't know what am i up to tonight. perhaps i had too much sleep yesterday night, total of 15 hours and now i am wakeful to the extent that i went running. arghz! after wasting so much energy, i am still in front of my screen in keen attempt to change my blogskin. staring at the alien script which will take me forever to understand.  i feel so ashamed that i studied web design yet i can't even change my own blogskin. call myself designer? very doubtful indeed.

thinking of design, i recall that this afternoon farhan received a piece of good news from his lecturer that he got accepted by the SIP company he applied without having the need for an interview. how great is this? he was so overjoyed that it suddenly occur to me that i don't even have a decent portfolio yet. now here's the thing, i am challenging myself to get the blogskin fixed so as to prove myself that i am useful as a design student. nothing is impossible right? but there's huge possibilities for failures like me to fail. what the fuck, i am having too much crappy thoughts right now. i am creating problems out of nothing seriously. how much bimbo-tic can i go? 

whatever. i have the urge to use back my livejournal because i prefer my old blogskin! sigh, i realise no matter how much i change, i still go back for the old ones. hope this not implies to my life.