although, finally i had my first birthday bash in my 20 years of life, alternatively i am grateful towards my friends who makes effort to be present despite of their busy schedule. Thank you everyone for making this possible, if anyone who was present and wasn't there initially, my bash wouldn't turn out as if supposed to be. 

i am living the second hour of my 20th life but my feelings isn't fitting to what a birthday girl should feel. 

there's celebrations and all to declare my birthday however i feel empty and lost still. probably because after living for 20 years i am still an underachiever who accomplish nothing compliment-able in my entire life. for now, i'm facing financial crisis, struggling to feed myself with the mere 240 bucks one month and clearly off debt at the same time. besides that, my studies deteriorated due to my stupidity of falling over heels in loved with a guy not worth my love and totally wasted my time. i feel like a fool till now. 

i am gonna to start new from this hour onwards. 

Dear father,

tonight, i pray that i'll start afresh as a new person with all my sins forgiven by your graciousness. God, give me the strength to overcome any obstacles that may come by and i pray for your guidance in my life. lead me to the path where i see light and shelter me under a house where there's love. i pray that i will forget the bad memories i had the last few months and forgive their bad doings. i pray for a better relationship with my mum and hoping that she can better deal with her emotions and work. lastly, i pray that You can watch over me in terms of financial and school work. i don't wish to deny or procrastinate anymore, please let me clear off my debts as soon as possible and pull through my final year results with flying colours.

i pray all this in jesus name

Amen